Putting Anxiety in its Place
‘A thought is not a fact – a thought is just a thought’ (Jon Kabat Zinn)
Have you ever been in a situation where you feel stressed, out of your depth but still need to engage with people either socially or at work? Is your mind firing at a rate of 200 thoughts per minute, mostly about how you might fail or embarrass yourself: I shouldn’t be here, I don’t belong, others are more qualified, I will make a fool of myself and so on.
People sometimes come to coaching because they find that just the thought of being in the spot light – whether one to one or a group – scrambles their minds and delivers anything but the response that they were intending. This can result in a vicious circle of anxiety and fear about what others might be thinking and what this may mean for relationships and even careers. The resulting avoidance provides only limited respite while at the same time ensuring you miss out on the good things that engagement in an activity may bring.
Keeping Safe But At What Cost
It may help to know that your body and mind are simply doing the job they were designed to do, albeit in a rather primitive way. This is because of the innate features of our physiology and psychology that drive our basic survival instinct, and our need to belong socially and be part of the group. When either are threatened, our primitive reptilian brain structure, the amygdala, causes cortisol and other hormones to be released into the body to generate our physical fight and flight reactions. This is responsible for the feelings of dread you might sometimes experience when thinking about undertaking something you find threatening.
This reaction also has the effect of shutting down functions that are not considered essential to your survival, and this includes your pre frontal cortex where your higher level thinking occurs. This means when you feel threatened you are less able to reason your way through a situation, preferring to simply extricate yourself from the source of the distress as quickly as you can. This is your flight reaction, and as we know it’s not always possible, or advisable to simply run away to avoid the discomfort.
As you may already have guessed, we do not need to be faced with physical danger or risk to get this reaction. Threats to self-esteem or the prospect of social embarrassment can have the same effect. We can then become overwhelmed and ‘hooked’ by our negative thoughts which obstruct our capacity to be present and in the moment, when it matters most. If you think of driving a car with a dirty windshield. This is the effect that your difficult or unpleasant thoughts can have on your ability to contribute with full clarity.
Getting Unhooked
To improve this situation, take a few mindful minutes before you have an important conversation or meeting by focusing on both your meeting preparation and your mental preparation. There are simple mindfulness techniques that can help you ‘unhook’. Try this one using the acronym STOP, and with some practice you will notice a difference in your ability to focus, deal with uncomfortable thoughts and start doing what is important.
S – Slow down and
T – Take a few deep breaths by emptying your lungs and then allowing them to fill naturally
O – Observe your breath as it comes and goes and your thoughts without judgement or becoming hooked
P – Pursue your desired actions that are important to you and represent the person you want to be
You can try this for as long or short a time as you wish. Give it a go now.
January 3, 2017
